Secret Agent S
by Harbinger of Anime Babes
Summary: My name is Agent S. I was sent to Peach in disguise to investigate the dynamic increase in animals. However, I got distracted and fell in love.
1. Chapter 1

My name is Agent S. My occupation and my soul are given credit to the GHI, the Grand Hall of Investigation. I live for my work, and will travel anywhere-do anything-to honor my boss. This is the honest-to-God tale of why I left Peach.

The boss wanted me to investigate Peach, a small town with a running river and a beach. Boss told me there was something up with this town, something fishy. Well, with that description, there was nothing closer to the truth. I had no idea that I was going to be living in a town with alleged animals. My assignment was to check to see if this was some furry cult, and whether they were destructed.

He didn't want me to be put in danger, because he had no idea how these 'animals' acted. This was why I had to wear a squirrel body costume, and my trademark helmet for protection.

There was only one way to get in there, yet a thousand ways out. I had to take a cab. The cab driver's attitude was a little sarcastic, and his speech was a little slurred, like an old sailor. At some point I stopped listening and muttered general answers; in a way I was like a magic 8-ball, ask me a question and I'll say yes, no, or maybe.

And suddenly, we were there. Although there were no roads, the cabbie managed to pull right in front of the Town Hall. With my trusty knapsack, I started off, only to be interrupted by an ecstatic pelican, unimaginatively named Pelly (I'm assuming her real name was Kelly, and she changed it when she decided to dress in this manner). My eyes scanned her body, begging for seams or tears in the fabric. There were none, much to my dismay. _Pretty great costume…_ I thought to myself, discarding any belief that these were real animals.

'Pelly' showed me around the office, telling me where I could save my letters (she went on to explain that the residents enjoyed communicating by sending old fashioned letters and gifts to each other), where I could donate so-called 'Bells' (apparently furries cannot use real currency for whatever reason), and informed me of the festivals that Peach residents like to participate in. "Oh!" she shouted, excitedly remembering an obviously important task, "You simply _must_ meet Tom Nook. His store is here on the map," she stated, pointing it out to me. 

"Thanks! See ya later," I muttered, dashing out the door. A few chiding beads of sweat rolled down my face. _Phew, this costume is hot. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. _I suppose I should have been watching where I was going, because I ran into an old-looking turtle. As we crashed to the ground, he moved himself inside his shell. _What the-_ I began asking myself, not entirely sure how he managed to find a costume that did something so…well…realistic. Even my costume, given to me from the GHI's disguise outlet, fell short in comparison to this guy's getup. "E-excuse me sir, let me help you," I managed to sputter, feeling sorry for the elderly man (I assumed) that was trapped in this costume.

"Naw, naw, Skippy! I got this!" He exclaimed, jumping up onto his feet like a springy young gentleman. _Skippy..? _"His eyes wandered across me, and I felt a little subconscious. _Can he tell that I'm a fake?_ I wondered to myself, praying to Allah or whoever's up there that he thinks that I am legitimately a squirrel.

"Ahaha!" he chuckled aloud. _Such a strange man… _I scanned his costume for seams as well, but yet again saw a lack of any. "You must be the new resident! Oh, yes sir-ee! I can tell with my eyes, even if they _are_ old eyes!" He patted my shoulder with his…paw? (I'm not quite sure what word is appropriate. Maybe the costume's paw.) "You're _Agent S_!" I frantically inhaled, wondering how he knew my code name, what questions he had, and what else he knew.

However, he just kept egging on. "Forgive me for running into you. You see, when you get as old as I am…" He went on into a full-fledged story about his age, and how his shell had been hurting so much. _Man, these freaks really take the furry thing seriously._ "Well, you better go see Tom Nook! He'll show you around, that's for sure."

As I waltzed off to find this 'Nook' guy again, the turtle-guy called out "By the way, my name is Mortimer! I'm the mayor of Peach! Don't ever forget…Oh, dear, what was I talking about?" He began rambling off, trying to recall his earlier thoughts, and I made my way off to the southwest area.

I came upon a little shack-like building, with a scrambled "Nook's Cranny" childishly written across a nailed up board. I knocked on the door, assuming this is where I could find "Tom," hopefully a normal guy. Tom was a common-enough name, right? There was no answer. That is, until I stepped away. "Wait right there!" An unfamiliar voice called out from behind. "Nook will be back right away! I promise! I just have to finish…planting…all…these…trees…" I turned to see a young man, fresh in his twenties, leaning over a small hole. A NORMAL MAN. I couldn't believe my eyes, maybe this helmet was blocking my vision.

The man smiled at me, no hint of shock by my reaction. As he moved closer to me, a few shriveling words escaped his pink lips, "I'm Patrick, and this is Nook's Cranny. I guess you could say I work here." He scratched his head, chuckling a little. _He guesses? _His hand reached out to shake my 'paw,' but I shook my head and pulled it out of reach. "I-I'm…Agent S," I managed to stutter out.

He smiled a notion of true kindness. Barely knowing this guy, _Patrick_,…his smile already brought joy to my heart. He didn't see anything wrong with my name, or the fact that he couldn't see my face because of my helmet. "Agent S, huh? That's a cute name." _Cute? Well, it _is_ a code name. I don't really know what adjective fits it._ "After I'm done planting these trees, I'm supposed to go meet everyone in town." He looked at me for a second, awaiting a response. When he didn't get one, he went on to say "Well, after meeting you, that's one down, bunch more to go, right?"

I nodded. I decided to help him plant those trees, feeling that a tough job like that could get done a lot faster with two people instead of one. "If you dig all the holes, I'll plant the trees. Sound fair enough?" His mood morphed to an even more ecstatic one than before. "You don't have to, but sure! I'll split the profit with you and everything!" I didn't really want or need 'Bells,' but perhaps they would come in handy later on.

And so, I was right. We got done in a measly ten minutes, rather than the half hour it would've taken him on his own. Right as I patted the last tree into the ground, a shadow hovered above me. "Well, well, well! You must be the new resident, Agent S!" a voice bellowed from behind me. I turned to see not another human, but a short, stubby raccoon. I'm assuming it's Tom Nook. He reached down to grab my hand, but I stood up on my own. "Nice to meet ya, stranger! I'm Tom Nook!" Yup. "This is Patrick, he's workin' for me to pay off his debt!" _Debt…? _"Ya see, he wanted to live here, but he didn't have the money. So I'm letting him pay it off while he lives here, an' he gets to stay as long as he wants! No time limit!"

_Interesting,_ I think, making a mental note of this. _Insane 'raccoon,' keeping people held hostage until they pay their rent…_ He raised his eyebrow, waiting for a reply. "Uh… Cool. So where's my new house?" He continued laughing. _Note: Nook laughs for no apparent reason._ As his deafening laughter came to an end, he pulled out his map (does everyone in this place carry a map around?) and pointed to a building. _How is it already on the map…?_ Before I could get a word in, Nook shouted (and yes, I mean shouted…) "Patrick! You need to meet everyone anyway! This'll be a great opportunity for you two to get to know each other! Show Miss S here where her house is!" And off we went, mostly because we wanted to get away from this insane (person?) raccoon.

"So…" He began, slowing his pace. "Where you from? I mean, originally."

I wasn't entirely sure if I should be honest with him or not. What was I supposed to say? Here I was, disguised as an animal.

"Massachusetts." It was the first place I could think of, and the words had spilled out of my mouth.

He gaped in disbelief. "No way! That's where I came from too!"

It's impossible that I picked the same place. I must be psychic.

But he just threw his head back in laughter. "No, I'm just kidding. I'm actually from Idaho."

"Gotta love them potatoes," I joked. I pulled at my squirrel ear. It was starting to make my head itch. This was going to take a getting used to.


	2. Chapter 2

I wake up to a knock on my door. "Open up, or I'll get you!" The voice calls. I rub my eyes and hastily put on my squirrel costume. Opening the door, I am faced with a large baboon. I take a step back.

"Hello, tiny squirrel. Have no fear, I'm just teasing you." He throws his head back in laughter. "My name is Boone." _How creative._

"I…I'm Agent S." I take another step back away from this insane person. His laugh makes a sonic boom once more.

"That's not a real name, baboom!" _Baboom…?_

Suddenly, a golden dog wearing a jade check print dress pushes him out of the way. "Ignore him, woof."

"Uh, who are you?"

She smiled and wiggled her nose. _Great costume…_ "I'm Goldie! Nice to meet you, woof!"

I scratch my squirrel ear, and nod.

"Well, what are you waiting for, woof?" I look at her questioningly. "Come out and meet everyone!"

"E…Everyone?"

"Yeah! We heard that you and the new kid were supposed to meet everyone, woof, so we figured we'd bring everyone to YOU!"

My heart skipped a beat. "So…Patrick's here… too?"

He stepped into view. "Hello, S. I missed you!" He smiled. A human smile. I smiled back, behind my mask.

I moved out into the grass, and gaped at the sight of all the villagers around me. _They're ALL animals…except Patrick._

One by one, they came up and shook my hand and introduced themselves. I knew I had to learn all their names in case Nook questioned me later.

A white bunny with red lips and dark eyes bounced up to me. "The names Tiffany! Don't forget it, bun bun!"

A black and white cat with eyes glazed over slowly stuck his hand out. "Yawn. I'm Punchy, mrmpht. We should take a nap together one day." _Ooookayyyy._

A peppy, white little duck waddled over to me, and held her hand up for a high-five. I complied. "Pompom's the name, cheerleading's the game! Well…not yet." She sighed. "But I'll get there one day, rah rah!"

I think I finally understand why everyone is saying things at the end of their sentence. Some strange form of code words…

A pink frog looked at me wide-eyed. "I'm Puddles, splish!" She said nothing else as she began to walk away.

"Hey, I'm—"I began, trying to introduce myself back to her.

"Agent S, I know." She looked over me, some sort of scanning. "Why don't you have a catch phrase, splish?"

_Catch phrase? _I think of all the words and sounds I've heard today. _Baboom, woof, splish, rah rah…_ _Ohhhhh. _

"Uh, I couldn't think of one."

"Well," she looked me over again. "You kinda look like a superhero. So say something that goes along with that, splish!"

I spat out the first word that came to mind. "Sidekick."

Everyone around looked at me in awe. Total silence.

Suddenly, "That's perfect!" called a voice from the crowd. Everyone turned and looked to see a red fox making his way up to me.

He held out his hand, and I reluctantly shook it. "The name's Redd. I own a business that I'd love to get you into. It's CRAAAZY, I tell you." _You're crazy…_ "Just sign here and you'll get the password each week for only 1,000 Bells.

"Uh…No thanks."

"What? How could you reject me? That's such a CRAAAZY thing to do!" He tried to continue on but a hound dragged him away. "You'll never get me!"

"Sorry," he began. "We try and keep the insane ones out. Somehow, he keeps getting back in…" He walked away, gripping Redd's collar tightly as he kept yelling out random things.

"That's Copper. He works at the city gates with Booker; they're our guard dogs," said Goldie.

"Hey, I didn't get to meet her!" called a voice.

"Me either!" called another.

"Well, we only have two left. Come on over." I smile.

A blue duck with thick-rimmed glasses tripped over a couple people in the crowd and came up to me. "I'm Derwin, derrr." I had to stifle a laugh.

"Like Darwin?"

"…Who's Darwin?"

"…Moving on."

The last villager to meet was a blue bear…creatively named Bluebear. He was the cutest little thing I had ever laid my eyes on; and I wanted to squeeze him like the teddy he was. _Must resist, S. Resist!_

"There are more people in this town, but they're the workers. You can meet them any time you want," explained Patrick.

I looked at him quickly. "I thought you needed to meet everybody."

"I just did. But that's what Tom Nook said. You only need to see them if you need them."

"Let's see, woof. There's: Blathers, the museum curator; his little sister, Celeste—she deals with constellations; Brewster works at the coffee shop downstairs; K.K. Slider plays there every Saturday night—you really should go see him sometime; you already know Tom Nook; oh! I know, the mayor, Tortimer obviously works at Town Hall-"

"I already met that crackpot," I interrupted. They al l laughed, apparently agreeing with me. "Tortimer…" I spat.

"More like Old-timer!" someone called out.

"Anyway," Goldie continued. "Pelly works the Town Hall during the day, and her grumpy sister Phyllis works the night shift. If you have any business, you should take care of it during the day."

I nodded for her to continue.

"Mable and Sable are twins—they work at the Able Sister's Shop. It's right next to Nook n Go."

"What is it?" I asked.

"A clothes shop." _OOH CLOTHES! _My girl senses were tingling as I got super excited. "You can design and display!" I was in a femme-paradise. Then I remembered that I'm on a mission. "We should go shopping together, sometime!"

"Is that everyone?"

"Nope! You met Copper and we told you about Booker, woof. Timmy and Tommy are Nook's nephews, they work upstairs in his shop. Harriet is the hair dresser…" She looked me over. "I don't think you'll really need that. I frown internally. I wish I could just be myself. "Pascal stops by the beach sometimes. Oh, and someone visits almost every day. For instance, Redd. He has a partner on the black market—Lyle. Do NOT, I repeat do NOT buy insurance from him. It is a scam, woof." I make an internal note about this; I'll report it to the boss later.

"Gracie is fabulous! She designs her own clothes that are much more intricate than the Able Sisters. So, if you're not one for traditional…Go for Gracie, woof!" She pumps her fist in the air. "Katrina is an excellent fortune teller. Definitely someone to go see."

Puddles continued on for Goldie. "Dr. Shrunk is a shrink. He's from Mexico." She shivers, as if creeped out in some way. "Um, who else?"

Punchy jumped in. "Yawn, mrmpht. You forgot about Saharah. She sells carpets and wallpapers. And Joan. You can buy turnips from her, mrmpht."

"Okay. So is that everyone?"

"Nope. Mr. Resetti is someone you don't want to meet. If you don't record your progress every night, he'll come yell at you."

"So is _that_ everyone?"

"Uhh. Gulliver delivers mail."

"…"

"Wendell is a traveling artist…"

"Blanca is a kitty who keeps losing her face."

_What in the world did I get into?_

"Jack is the pumpkin king who appears only on Halloween, and Jingle gives you a present on Christmas."

"Cornimer is this acorn tortoise that collects mushrooms."

_Peach suddenly got weird. Well, weirder._


End file.
